Crimson Cloak Publishing

If you are looking for someone who will: Go crazy because they are so delighted to see you. Sit by you to watch a soppy film when football is on the other side. Be happy to go out with you at any time. Eat everything you prepare with no mention of “Mum used to make it better.” Never insist on the sports page before you even see the paper. Not care whether you are old, young, fat, thin, attractive or not. Always listen attentively, and love you with unending devotion… GET A DOG On the other hand, if you want…

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A DOGGY DICTIONARY ‘NO’    Means, if you give them ‘that look’, put your head on one side and make a cute noise, you can do it. ‘LEAD’  Is a length of leather or chain than lets you take your owners where you want to go. ‘DEAFNESS’      A malady that affects you if told to do something you don’t like. ‘SIT’ or ‘SHAKE PAW’ has the same meaning. Play thick for a while, and then you will be well rewarded when complying with the words. ‘DOG BED’       Is anything extremely comfortable that you can get away with lying on. ‘STAY’  Means…

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Shi-tzu “Oh Daarling. Just get on with it, but please do it quietly and don’t disturb my beauty sleep. Border Collie Into that corner,  now, over there. Stay in line. DO AS YOU’RE TOLD!” Rottweiler “Oh yes. Come on in. Make my day punk.” Labrador Are you going to play with me? Are you, huh? Will you? Will you, huh? Will you??! Hound Dog ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Pointer “I see a burglar, look, he’s there. Look! There, right there!” Greyhound “If he doesn’t have floppy ears, and isn’t running, what’s the point of chasing him?” Poodle “You’d better not ruffle my new…

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1)         An Aquarium makes a perfect interactive Playstation game for your cat. 2)         Cats always know exactly how you are feeling. They don’t care, but they know. 3)         A cat’s wisdom is far superior to that of any ancient Philosopher, and they have been worshipped for just as long. 4)         Cats know from instinct exactly what time their owners want to wake up. They wake them up about an hour sooner. 5)         If something is on the floor, it’s a cat toy. If it looks suitable but isn’t on the floor yet, it soon will be. 6)         Though some people…

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10 Truths That All Men Could Learn From Dogs: 1)         A little loyalty goes a long way. 2)         No matter what kind of day you’ve had, let loved ones know you care. 3)         If she thinks you’re cute, you’re much more likely to get your own way. 4)         Don’t turn your nose up at any food she puts in front of you, or you may end up fending for yourself. 5)         If she says “No”, she means “No”. 6)         Whatever you do, NEVER show her up in company. 7)         Give her attention and loving looks, even if the football is…

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1)      Before I decide to live here for a while, do you know how to use a tin opener? 2)      Why put a stupid bell around my neck if you aren’t going to come running to see what I want when I ring it? 3)      Why do kids have to keep trying to test the ‘always lands on four paws’ theory? 4)      What are people I don’t know doing in my house? 5)      Do humans really think that they achieve anything by waving their hands about and making strange noises with their mouths? 6)      Dogs serve humans, humans serve cats,…

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Top Ten ways that Cats and Dogs differ: 1)         Dogs will play anything you choose, whenever you like, even if they’re tired. Cats will take a long nap, and woe betide you if you disturb them. 2)         Dogs prick their ears and tilt their heads on one side when you talk to them, doing their very best to understand. Cats yawn and close their eyes because you’re boring them. 3)         Dogs come running when you call them. Cats give you ‘That Look’, and get back to you when they’re good and ready. 4)         Dogs give you happy, sloppy kisses when…

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